Conversations with a wise man.

Talking is a powerful thing, well, dialog at least. Because there really is no better way to develop ideas than by sharing thoughts.

Now let's just just to the chase after that gray area, here's some black and white:

1. I do not believe that Torah was written by the hand of God. Inspired by God, sure, but I've always thought that was kind of a cop out anyway.
2. I do believe in a God that is all encompassing, all powerful, all knowing, and one at once.
3. Yet, if I do not believe Torah is God's own work, why would I believe in the God of Torah, a perception of divinity created by human beings?
4. I should not is the simple conclusion.
   

I do not believe in the God of Torah in the sense that I do not believe God would manifest Itself as a burning bush never to be consumed. I think that is just a metaphor, a good one at that, but a metaphor. For God to be everything and one, It cannot be one place and not another, that is not a possibility. That's basically why I cannot believe in the God of Torah as God Itself.

Still though, can't help but think that in another time I would be killed for idolatry. Thank the Lord for Post-Modernism.

Talking to God.

My friends are inspiring. So inspiring they help me articulate things that have been brewing in my mind for ages.

I wish this could be as good as the way I said it before but I know that will probably never come out the same again. Here goes.

When I pray I talk to God, what I say is another matter entirely:

Sometimes, I pray spontaneously for whatever seems appropriate at the time.

Sometimes, I sing psalms to God praising It.

Sometimes, I recite the testaments of my faith in God contained in the Sh'ma and it's blessings.

Sometimes, I address God as people would have addressed an ancient ruler saying the Amidah and and the prayers and requests contained therein.

Sometimes, I petition to God silently to myself, like after the Amidah, where I ask for courage, strength, and ability to accomplish all my goals and dreams.

Sometimes, I thank God for making me different and special like in the Aleinu and all other reasons to say that blessing.

Sometimes, I praise God as in the Kaddish and reflect on It's greatness.

Sometimes, I just ask God to help with the fixing of the world and all that goes into that.

But all times and always, I talk to God. Using whatever inflection I deem appropriate, I talk to God because I want that connection, that's why I pray.

I. We. I verus we. I and we.

It's the ultimate showdown in cooperation. The community I belong to and the beliefs I hold.

Should I send that e-mail relating to the service I'm supposed to plan on Shabbat? My community would say no, that to communicate in such a way pertaining to Temple matters on the Sabbath would be ill advised. My thinking is that I have to get it done and I happen to have time on Shabbat and it does nothing to interfere with my decision and method of observance, so why not?

Money cannot exchange hands prior to the Kabbalat Shabbat service, well why not? Are we to go to such lengths to prevent exchanging money on the Sabbath at Temple yet the next day probably purchase a good or two? So is this the reason we cannot have a donation box for a social action event, really?

Is it that important that we observe a tradition that may not be our personal one in order to not transgress in the name of Judaism, working for the temple or on the Temple grounds? Is this not a bit hypocritical of us?

Assuming we do not force others to donate or carry money and respond or check their own e-mail, would it not be totally acceptable to follow our own Sabbat beliefs even at a building called "Temple"?

Consonants make you sound smart.

I couldn't believe it. A Reform Hazzan stood in front of a group of 6th-graders and said to them: If someone in the back is being obnoxious and standing, that's fine, once they realize we're all waiting for them, they'll usually get embarrassed and sit down.

Now, don't quote me, but that was the spirit of the speech. Now isn't it sort of a sad state of affairs when standing for the V'ahavta is "obnoxious"? Shouldn't the person leading the prayer lead and let the person praying pray how they would like? Is that not what this movement is all about?

Or is there Reform minchag, or tradition, that is more binding than halacha, or law, seeing as we sort of build our own practice in this movement? Right? Should I sit during the V'ahavta if I stand for Sh'ma? Is it anyone's business but my own?

I like to think after doing my research and learning my facts I'm making an informed decision to say Sh'ma, and therefore V'ahavta, in the position I happen to find myself after the blessings that accompany the prayer. Or even if it is my choice to dance around, should that not be acceptable if that is how I choose to say/sing/hum/coo/lullaby/play-the-harp-to/whatever-it-is-I-do? I think it should. Who cares how I pray but me and God.

Honestly, it doesn't matter what anyone thinks of my choice of prayer. I do it because I like it, the things I do feel right to me. It is really important to the community that I pray the way they choose to and say the words they say?

I think the way we take this pluralism thing to heart is weird.

Josh is lonely.

In a world full of people.

Seems like a facebook status and a facebook world. Surrounded by people but having a hard time finding a meaningful relationship. It's so hard to find a dialog, an I thou moment. Everyone seems more interested in themselves and cheap thrills to care even the slightest about something important.

I suppose it's a symptom of adolescence in some way. Everyone seems really interested in partying and having a "good time" but all I want to do is talk about life. I want to talk about holiness, what's confusing, why (why not?) tradition is important. Well, you get the point.

But, I'm not obnoxious enough to claim that this is all I have wanted. Now that I'm interested, I think about it more, before I did think of cheap thrills. I needed something to get me thinking, motivated, and matured. But I am obnoxious enough to claim that I am these things now.

I'm looking for deeper meaning and deeper relationships. Moments sanctified in time by a holy connection that I feel with other human beings and myself and God. But that's a lot to ask at 16. I feel it might be asking too much, especially of the people with which I have become associated. But then what am I to do? Do I give up? Let these cheap things run my life until I've reached a stage where I can reach out? Is there a place that values thought and intellect where I can take refuge? Where is that place?

I feel like Sarasota is such a small place and I need more diversity within and outside my comfort zone. Above all else, I need peace, individuality, freedom, and autonomy. I guess that's it.

Too much?

Opposing view points.

Whenever I need a different opinion on a Jewish matter, I turn to one place: askmoses.com

It's ann interesting, very pro-Chassidic, as far as I'm concerned, site. There is always a conflicting opinion to be had and since I have little other source of Jewish scholarly knowledge (sad, I know), I turn there.

Tonight's matter: the 9th petition in the Amidah: right for us to ask God to cause suffering for the wicked?

Well?

Friendship,

What's friendship? Here's the contest, tell me what friendship is in one sentence. What it means to you. What it is to have a rapport or dialog instead of two monologues running on at once.

It is encouragement? Support in the face of adversity? Surely these things are a part of friendship, necessary to a healthy one.

But then, what is the course of action when these basic elements of a relationship break down. Do you abandon your friends when they do not support your decisions? Where do you turn if this becomes the case?

This one is difficult. Too hard I think. I could really use some support.