Josh is lonely.

In a world full of people.

Seems like a facebook status and a facebook world. Surrounded by people but having a hard time finding a meaningful relationship. It's so hard to find a dialog, an I thou moment. Everyone seems more interested in themselves and cheap thrills to care even the slightest about something important.

I suppose it's a symptom of adolescence in some way. Everyone seems really interested in partying and having a "good time" but all I want to do is talk about life. I want to talk about holiness, what's confusing, why (why not?) tradition is important. Well, you get the point.

But, I'm not obnoxious enough to claim that this is all I have wanted. Now that I'm interested, I think about it more, before I did think of cheap thrills. I needed something to get me thinking, motivated, and matured. But I am obnoxious enough to claim that I am these things now.

I'm looking for deeper meaning and deeper relationships. Moments sanctified in time by a holy connection that I feel with other human beings and myself and God. But that's a lot to ask at 16. I feel it might be asking too much, especially of the people with which I have become associated. But then what am I to do? Do I give up? Let these cheap things run my life until I've reached a stage where I can reach out? Is there a place that values thought and intellect where I can take refuge? Where is that place?

I feel like Sarasota is such a small place and I need more diversity within and outside my comfort zone. Above all else, I need peace, individuality, freedom, and autonomy. I guess that's it.

Too much?